Commonly referred to as the Marie Kondo method, the KonMari method is when you look at an object in your home and figure out if it brings you joy or not. If it does bring you joy, then you keep it. If not, it’s time to get rid of it.
The past few weeks, I’ve started to apply this to my bookshelves. Over the past few years, my collection has grown to a little under 350 books, and frankly it gives me anxiety. I’ll never be able to read them all before I die, but buying them gives me comfort. So, I purged. I got rid of around 20, and to me, that’s purging. I hold onto things that have sentimental value, and I collect things that bring me joy. Therefore, I collect books. I collect movies. I collect records, and makeup palettes, and video games. I collect. I am a collector.
Marie Kondo suggests that you should only have less than 30 books in your home. Multiply that by 10 and add a few more, and that’s me, but this isn’t about books. It’s not about living your life by the guidelines of the KonMari method, it’s about living your life in an adapted version of it.
Today, it’s difficult to find connections. As someone in their early twenties, finding friends is hard, especially when you don’t have a job and go to school online. It’s just hard. So, when you do find that connection, it’s important to hold onto it and make sure that yes, this connection brings you joy.
People aren’t meant to be alone in this world. They’re meant to have companions, people who are there for them when they’re falling into that deep, dark pit of doubt and self-hate. Even if you’re the happiest person in the world, you need people around you. It doesn’t take statistics to show that quality is better than quantity, so when you’re in your early twenties, it’s more important than ever to solidify these connections and weed out the ones who aren’t quality material. This is where the KonMari method comes in.
Lately, I’ve found that this method is very effective in this case. I’ve started to purge my social media accounts of influencers and people that I don’t want in my life. By doing so, I’ve deleted over 400 people off of Instagram alone, and more than that off of my Facebook. However, in real life, it’s even harder.
You can’t just block someone in real life, but you can let people go. There are actually several ways of doing this (ridiculously, here’s a link how: How to End a Friendship), but more importantly you should make sure this is what you want to do.
If the friendship is anything like the following, then you should consider dropping them.
- It seems one-sided. You’re putting more into the friendship than your friend is putting out, and you feel as though you’re being taken advantage of.
- Your friend only hits you up when they need you.
- They’re consistently negative, and they only find negative things to say no matter what the conversation is about.
- They aren’t actually supportive, they’re in competition with you.
- When you talk about something that happened to you, they only talk about them, and only them.
- All they do is gossip, and they talk down about people around you.
- They have a negative influence on you and you start to dislike who you are when you’re around them.
- You always have to text them first.
- After hanging out with them you feel mentally exhausted.
Ultimately, it’s up to you if the friendship brings you joy or not, but it’d vastly improve your mental health if you have people who uplift you and support you.
Then, there are the friendships where you barely speak. Personally, these friendships are harder to decipher, but they’re likely the one’s you’ve had for a while. I have quite a few of these, and we have an unspoken understanding that we’re just busy. We’re adults, and we’re busy. That doesn’t mean you aren’t friends, it just means that adulting is getting in the way and that they’ll always have their messages open in times of hardships or when you just need to talk. No matter the time span, whenever you get together it’s like taking in a breath of fresh air and like you never lost contact. If you have a friendship like this, then consider yourself lucky.
As someone who moved a thousand miles away from home, I’ve finally reached a point where all of the connections in my life are solid. I love all of my friends so much, and I know I can depend on them for anything. They’re my people, and I hope it’s the same way for them. So, if you haven’t reached this point yet, then consider going through this method. Make sure you’re 100% certain that you’re not cutting off connections just because you barely speak, but because of the aforementioned situations. Like I said, it’s completely up to you, and if you’re unsure of your current standings, then please feel free to message me on the Dear AllBee section of this blog.
Allbee, signing off. 💕
2 thoughts on “Do They Bring You Joy?”
You’re lucky to have got to that stage with your friendships, really lucky. And it takes some courage and effort to get to that stage, too.
As for Marie Kondo, I had her book and found it a bit excessive but then I don’t have quite her mentality. That said, I do follow a bit of it – particularly as you’ve said, the philosophy of whether something brings you joy, whether it makes you happy or brings you down. I’ve got rid of countless things that have depressed me, but unlike you, I find it more difficult to do that with friends, possibly because even if I find them negative or not quite on my wavelength, I have to remind myself that many years ago I was that person, myself – and the people who abandoned me because of it, and who couldn’t be bothered to stick around to see if I’d change, didn’t make me feel happy. 😦 And I did change. Time changed me.
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